That’s the question? We’ve been looking at Edward Hall’s understandings about how different groups, people and societies use physical and relational space. (see previous posts) So let me describe the fourth kind of ’space’ and then look at ‘entry points’.
Private Space is our most intimate space, reserved for partners and spouses, immediate family or household members, and our closest friends. These are the people whom we unashamedly embrace, with whom we are willing to be emotionally naked and vulnerable. These relationships go beyond stated commitments, they are the people with whom we are most open – parents, children, lovers, deep friends. In fact, there is a mutual willingness to stretch each other, to expose our inner selves to one another.
It is important to say that not all of our relationships can or should be this close. We are highly sensitive to people who are inappropriately intimate with us or others. The church doesn’t ‘arrange’ such intimacy, although we can provide the conditions in which it can grow (how many youth camps produced all kinds of intimacy?), and more importantly, we can recognise, celebrate and support intimate unions (clearly a big issue in relation to relationships other than marriage).
Joseph Myers says that
- people need to belong in all four spaces
- people need to0 be able to freely move between all four spaces
- the task of the leader is to create environments for healthy, safe and natural relationships
“True community is built in four spaces… As we help people with their lives, we need to allow them to live in the spaces they choose. We can encourage them to belong in the space that is comfortable for them at the time, treating them as a significant part of the ‘family’ in whichever space they choose…
It is our charge to invite the stranger in. We do not invite strangers in for intimacy. We invite them in so they will no longer be strangers. We give them space and they find family, belonging, and community. So gently knock and wait for them to invite you into the space where they are. “
Ask yourself these questions:
Which of the spaces are most present in the life of your congregation?
Which are least present?
What questions do the four spaces raise for you?
It’s important to understand that it is relatively easy for newcomers to enter public space, and even social space, but it is much harder to enter personal space, and almost never private space (apart from Hollywood ‘love at first sight’ or other serendipitous moments!) And yet, what good cafes and movie theatres, and Internet ’social media’ do, is provide environments for intimacy. The hosts don’t ask you to become intimate with them, they provide a haven in which friendship might blossom.
I wonder what that might mean for the church?